Self Care is an Act of Political Warfare

It's been a while since I've had the time to sit down and update my blog... Life has gotten in the way, 'Rona has shifted the world and honestly, working my 9-5 from home occupies most of my time these days.

But despite all of the turmoil, cancellations and delays 2020 has brought (and yes, there have been MANY) , it still has prevailed in becoming one of the best years of my life.

Because of the stay at home orders, I have been forced to spend the most time alone then I have ever had to do in my life. This solitude has truly allowed me to get to know this new version of myself and relearn things I thought I once knew about myself. As I journey through these 20 somethings, this past year is the first time where I truly feel myself transitioning into a new phase in my life that will continue to carry me into the rest of my adult life.

I've gone through significant life changes this year that have begun to mold me into the woman I know I am destined to be in the next 5, 10, 15 and beyond years. No matter how big or small the changes may have been, the imprint these things have left on my life have broadened the lens in which I originally looked at the world, and the impact I have in it.

One of the biggest changes that have happened so far this year has been walking blindly into my purpose through the work that I do. Earlier this year I began working in my career field for a non profit organization doing women's advocacy work that I am passionate about. Feminist studies, specifically the works and frameworks of Womanism, have always been a deep passion of mine and being one class short of having a minor in Women's and Gender Studies, this position kind of just walked in my life unexpectedly.

I remember originally applying for this job thinking I wasn't experienced enough for the position. It was an Associate level position and frankly, I was only one year out of college with a couple freelance gigs under my belt, but something told me to apply for the job anyway. I was confident in my work, ability to complete the job and knew I could speak my way into anything I wanted.

And that's just what I did.

Securing that job was one of the biggest confidence booster that have happened to me thus far in my life and this is my testimony. Go after everything you deserve. No matter its magnitude, no matter its size, no matter the grandness of its stature.

Anything meant for you will be yours.

But with all triumphs, tribulations are never far behind.

While I would love to give my testimony full of rainbow and roses, it wouldn't be true, and it wouldn't be ME if I wasn't transparent as well.

Though obtaining a great new job in my career has opened new doors for me that have drastically improved my life, 2020 has uncovered some nasty truths about the world we live in that have the power to bring anyone down, no matter how intense the high originally was.

Working in the nonprofit sector doing social justice work is fulfilling. It is. But lately I have found myself disappointed, unmotivated and worn down by the lack of progress the world has made, the leaders who supposedly run this country, and even the same people we interact with on the daily to the point where I feel like I really just need a break from this work all together.

Being a person of color, specifically a Black woman, the intersecting forms of oppression we face are HEAVY, especially now more than ever.

The feeling of being the only Black person in the room the day after a man's life was brutally taken on camera by men sworn to "keep us safe." His last words being "I can't breathe."

The feeling of being the only Black woman in the room conducting business day after day as if Breaonna Taylor's murderers haven't been arrested and charged. Nothing is being done.

The feeling of logging onto social media daily and seeing Black lives being lost and minimized to a hashtag like #ElijahMcClain, #RiahMilton #DominiqueFells and #OluwatoyinSalau.

The feeling of living in a world where Black people, and specifically Black women are the least protected and vulnerable group in this country.

Yet we are expected to save face and to walk around as if everything is okay...

It's been hard. And navigating through those feelings have not been easy.

When I expressed these feelings on the verge of tears to my life coach, she left me with a quote that has struck a chord with me deeply as I try to maneuver through these trying times.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”- Audre Lord

For one, I was surprised I have never heard this quote by the amazing writer, womanist, and civil rights activist Audre Lord who I have studied greatly in the past. But beyond that, hearing this quote sums up why I am a strong advocate for self care, especially when times get tough.

Self care is not selfish. It's necessary.

The opposition wants us to fail, but when we choose to take care of ourselves and love ourselves deeply, this is the biggest act of protest. When we take care ourselves first, we build ourselves up to become better equipped to fight back against the systems that oppress us. This is why self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and good wine; it’s a radical act of political warfare.

For me, self care looks like nurturing the divine feminine energy that radiates inside of me.

This healed feminine energy does not compete with other women. This healed feminine energy enjoys being around other women and feels a deep connection with her tribe. This healed feminine energy knows the power of being soft, creative, wise, sensual, empathetic, receptive and flowly, and is well equipped to fight back.

This is the woman I am. This is the woman I will continue to aspire to be.

This year has had a sick sense of humor but I am confident that caring for myself first will continue to be the form of protest that has the power to ignite change in this world.