Pleasure As A Organizing Principle and Redefining my Worth

First off, I’m so excited to be back here.

I haven’t written a blog entry in so long and frankly, I haven’t felt inspired or compelled to do so. I’ve struggled this year with finding the joys that I used to indulge in prior to the pandemic and as we slowly approach a “post-pandemic world,” I’m working on falling in love with the things that used to invigorate me before the world changed in ways we never saw coming.

As we’ve all heard before, 2020 and 2021 have been extremely chaotic. Between quarantine, racial trauma, collective grief, working from home, anti-vaxxers, political rulings, and so many other nuances woven within, these last two years have drained me completely in ways that I still am working on recovering from. In addition to this, the pandemic revealed just how unbalanced my relationship to work, capitalism, and productivity really was. For so long, the core of my identity was rooted in my work, how many hustles I was juggling, and how productive and accomplished I was in all of these areas. I have always been an overachiever and a perfectionist, priding myself on being a “jack of all trades” and “a woman who wears many hats.” And, if we’re being honest, the outside validation affirming my accomplishments always felt great.

On the outside, I have always been someone who people consider “always having it together” and this is something I have always tried to live up to. I would always hear “You’re killing it!” or “How are you able to manage this, this and that!” And, I can’t lie, as unhealthy as it sounds, hearing the validation from others while also being extremely hard on myself for never being satisfied kept me plugging away. During the pandemic, I worked a 9-5, enrolled in graduate school, started freelancing and consulting, tried to relaunch my business/passion project, consistently create content, and more all while trying to navigate personal relationships and hold space for myself at the end of the day. It wasn’t until this year that I realized my obsession with my work and productivity are direct products of supremacist, patriarchal and capitalist systems that rule our society into thinking that our worth is tied directly to our work.

I think this realization paired with the regular growing pains of your 20’s had me feeling kind of lost and disconnected from the sense of self I thought I once had.

As I approach 25, I’ve been toying around with the belief that this should be the most in tune with myself that I’ve ever been while simultaneously feeling like I have no idea who I am outside of the constraints of what society wants me to be or who I believed I should be. I’ve been asking myself, “Who would you be without mending, changing or alerting yourself to fit into who you THINK you should be or what you THINK you should be doing?”

Deep right? This is the question that’s been looming over my head in what Google has defined as a “quarter-life crisis” and from what I’ve been hearing, it’s a question that may never fully be answered. Getting to know yourself is a never-ending process. It ebbs and flows as the seasons of life pass while also facing unexpected events that so happen to present themselves, seemingly shaking up all the progress you thought you once made. Your wants, needs, and desires all change and you have to learn to adjust. Embracing change has never been my strong suit but it’s something that I’m working through as I’m getting to know myself in my current season.

I’ve also been working on removing the emphasis of my work and productivity within my identity and I’m no longer tying it to my worth. In a quote that I come back to often, it states:

“A life’s worth, in the end, isn’t measured in hours or money. It’s measured by the amount of love exchanged along the way.” ~Unknown

Centering this practice isn’t easy and it has taken therapy, shadow work, and self-reflection to embark on this journey. But I’m learning to root myself in creating a life full of worth by deepening my relationships with others and most importantly, myself.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve reflected on 2021 and began to think through what I want next year to look like. I’ve been feeling empowered to rediscover the things that once brought me joy and explore new lanes of pleasure in all aspects of my life. I’ve been working on reconnecting with my inner child and listening to the needs and wants that that my soul has desperately been craving. I’ve recognized that I’ve neglected things that I love due to burnout, collective exhaustion, and doing the things that I thought that I should be doing, forcing me to put my passion projects and hobbies on the back burner. I’m so ready to embark on this journey towards reconnecting with my passions, personal pleasures, and areas that allow me to disconnect fully from the heaviness of a world that systematically is stacked against us.

In her book Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good”, feminist and pleasure advocate adrienne maree brown stated:

“Pleasure activism is the work we do to reclaim our whole, happy, and satisfiable selves from the impacts, delusions, and limitations of oppression and/or supremacy.” - adrienne maree brown

Exploring and reclaiming your pleasure is an active act of resistance. Historically, people of color, disabled people and queer, trans and nonbinary people have been denied a world of joy, pleasure and light-hearted happiness. This is why we must center our pleasure because it is the root of the organizing principles against oppression and the key to living a life full of never-ending joy.

So, I dare you to ask yourself:

“What brings me pleasure?

In what areas of my life do I experience joy?”

For me, it’s writing, reading, cycling, creating, stretching, and sometimes simply just being.

It’s also rooting myself in community, stimulating conversations with a girlfriend over a glass of wine, dancing in the mirror when no one is watching, listening to music on my record player, eating good food, exploring new cities, holding hands and basking healthily in love with my best friend, and the list goes on.

Make a commitment to prioritize the things in your life that bring you joy and center the areas in your life where you experience pleasure. This is the first step towards sustainable living, reclamation and true liberation.

xo

Imani